Rain....

Day 5 in England.

Im trying not to keep track of the time although it's hard, it's what Im used to, it's what I've done for the last 18 years. I've been a producer my whole life and it's so hard to just stop. I want to chart out every hour of my day and keep myself to a schedule. In my head my day goes something like this. Just because I have to get it out.....

6am-7:15am: Get up, cook breakfast for Tim and get his lunch ready. Kiss good bye.

7:15 am - 9:00am: Read all my Facebook and email's from everyone in the states and send messages back. Sneak in a cigarette in my garden and feel nervous about it because Im not suppose to be smoking.

9am - 10am: Back to bed. Im exhausted and I have cramps and it's cloudy and raining plus I woke up at 3am so need some more rest. Setting my alarm for 10am.

10am - 11am: Bath (because there is no shower in my flat).

11am - 12noon: Yoga

12noon - 1pm: Go into the village. My goal is to meet the one gay in town and make sure we are friends, by some flowers at his shop and walk home. Hopefully set a date with him and his partner for a dinner party.

1pm - 2pm: Lunch

2pm - 3pm: Figure out my life.

3pm - 4pm: Look for a bigger flat

4pm - 5pm: Find Macrobiotic places in Bristol

Bla bla bla bla blaaaa

Im not sure how to turn it off yet and I guess it might be to much for me to ask to already be there.

Im labeling this blog "A Peaceful Life" because that is why I quit my job at Apple and came out here. It's my goal. Im 39. I am in some sort of a midlife crisis I guess. Not because my boyfriend is 28 (although some might think that goes with the territory) but because I am at the middle of my life if Im lucky enough to make it to 80.

What do I want to do with the next 40 years of my life? The same shit I've done for the last 15 or do something different?

I've always thought I was suppose to make a small difference in this world. I used to think it was my ego wanting to leave it's mark on the planet before I die. I don't think that anymore. Its because I want to feed my own soul and my soul is fed by helping others. It's all I want to do but I don't know how to do it or what to do. I've spent the last 5 years trying to figure it out. I went to Hypnotherapy school and learned guided imagery and guided meditation and did that for a while for groups of people when I lived in LA. Helped people quit smoking (back when I didn't smoke) and get over their anxiety (because I had so much of it myself and needed to learn how to manage it and some how stop my own panic attacks) and just go a little deeper into themselves and find their strength. But that did not feel right so I went to yoga school and became a yoga teacher. That is closer and all of the above probably play a part in what it is that I will do.

My yoga teacher always says, "find your gold. Usually it's a whisper, something you can hardly hear. If you can't hear it listen to those around you, what do they tell you you are good at. Listen to them and you will find what you are suppose to do." If I do that I think it's my cooking. Im a mediocre yoga teacher at best but I know Im a good cook. A good vegan macrobiotic cook.

When I became vegan about 6 years ago I started cooking for the first time in my life and it was really good. Even meat eaters love my cooking and I have been an inspiration for people around me to eat healthier.

So....what do I want to do with all this time off? I want to write, blog, cook, do yoga, get out in this community and immerse myself in it and learn everything I can learn. Travel around Europe and take cooking classes and really do what I came out here to do....after I take my nap! Oh yeah...and attempt to be a good girlfriend.