The Chip Butty

I seem to be finally getting a life here. Or choosing to enjoy the life that I have rather than compare it to my life in San Francisco and then choose to not be happy because Im homesick.

I love my life here. It's amazing. I just went through a big wave of homesickness and sadness and I have to remember that will come and go. Anyway.... choosing to not get to deep and whiney and get you caught up on what I've been up too the last few days.

For one, I've weened myself off of Dexter. I am on Season 3, episode 6 so it took a while...but I finally did it.

On Friday nights our friends Vicki and Ben invite us to the Social Club in a village near by called Blagdon where they live. It's a place where all parents can bring their children to the pub on a Friday night from 6-8, drink pints for 2 pounds, and eat English fare (Ben and Vicki have 2 super cute little girls, 7 months and 2 years old). Last Friday I learned about these things called Chip Buttys (see attached). This consists of what we in America call French Fries jammed in between two pieces of white bread with some Ketchup or some Brown sauce. My friend Vicki calls this Britain on a plate and the brown sauce Britain in a bottle. Tim ordered it like it was a totally normal thing to do and when the plate of food arrived I looked at him and was like, "what in the hell is that?? It's just chips and white bread!" He was like, "yeah?" and then everyone at the table could not believe I did not know what this was like I was the crazy :). I tasted it and it was weird. Who knows..I thought beans on toast was completely repulsive when I first moved here and now I crave it. Anyway...the place is absolute chaos. Babies and kids up to about the age of 7 running around the pub like bananas while their parents casually socialize and bounce babies on their knees while drinking large pints of beer. Im pretty in love with this place and seems we have a new ritual on a Friday night. They have these great friends who are both cops. Tanya is a detective (just like Dexter's sister ;) and her husband Mark is on the team that busts graffiti artists. He knows every graffiti artist in England. I have not spoken to him much about his line of work and am DYING to but I have to ease my way into it as I guess he does not like to talk to much about it. His wife Tanya tells us about the cases she is working on. I love it. Oh..and for the record...I love graffiti art so hopefully he just busts the gang taggers but I will find out and get back to you.

I am so greatful to my friend Vicki. She's seriously saving my life out here. Always inviting me to things and introducing me to her friends and Tim and I are getting a nice social life. Tonight Tim and I are going over to their house and I am cooking them and our other new friends Steve and Rachel (who are Ben and Vicki's best friends) a Vegan dinner. I have these paraniod visions that Tim and I are this nightmare couple who want to be their new best friends and totally overstep our boundries and want to be with them all the time. So I try to be cool around them but really I want to kiss them all the time and tell them how much I love them for giving me a life here. Anyway...staying cool ;)

I've also included some other pic's. My favorite picture that Tim drew, a picture of a storm coming in over the Cafe the other day, a 15 pound bowl of crab apples that I made crab apple jelly out of (sort of unsuccessfully but it tastes good, it's just having a hard time acting like the jelly it's suppose to be and acting more like syrup) and a shot of our front yard with the apples falling off the tree near the small bridge.

AND lastly..Tim and I went to our first Kundalini yoga class last night in Bristol. Got to say..NOT the best class in the world and it's held in a cub scout lodge with bright lights in a basement by a guy who's website is called The Sleeping Serpent (gag). BUT....all that aside, it was a nice class and the only one it a 200 mile radius so Im not going to complain. It was just nice to take a class, he was not smarmy like I thought he would be and we will go back. Might even inspire me to be courageous enough to start my own class in Wrington. We shall see......

The Spa fixes everything

Tim came home early from work yesterday to fix my mini melt down. I was having a full on anxiety attack at that point. My mind had gotten the best of me all day as I freaked out about living in a small village and feeling trapped and..bla bla bla..you have heard it all before...like yesterday. So to make me feel better, he brought me here (see attached).

It's amazing, this place. The spa is in Bath, where the Roman Baths were. The city was founded in 50 BC by the Romans based on the healing mineral springs and opened up a bunch of public baths back then. So as your sitting outside (at twilight :) in the mineral springs, the same mineral springs that the Romans used back then, you get to look at this ancient city, outside, and float around in the water, or use the steam rooms or the indoor pool. There is a cafe there and you go in your bathrobes and towels. So we did....and ate a nice dinner (with a bunch of other people in bathrobes...it was super weird but I liked it) and of course I had a large glass of red wine to even further chill me out.

Anyway..I realized once again what a bore of a baby I am. I mean seriously. Im having an amazing adventure here and I forget it all the time and focus on the bad rather than the good.

The country side is truly amazing right now. The autumn is here and the leaves are changing to these bright red's and oranges (I'll take some pics and post them) and I have a beautiful life and an amazing beautiful man.

Life without drama is boring

I seriously have not a whole lot to say. Maybe that is why my postings have gone down. Then again maybe Im over thinking what I post. I guess I don't want my blog to turn into the Hilary's home sick blog, Hilary misses America blog, Im feeling alienated today blog, Im sad today blog. Bla bla whaa bla..... Then again maybe I should just write it and not worry so much.

I guess I should not be so hard on myself. I mean, it's inevitable that Im going to go through alot of emotions moving away from the only country I have ever lived in, the greatest friends and moving from a metropolitan city to a small village.

Right now Im going through the comparing England to America stage. We went out for Pizza last night because I have been craving it for so long and it just sucked. Like most of the food here does unless you love meat and starch. My upbringing in Minnesota actually did get me prepared for the English diet then 10 years of California ruined it all. Either way..why the English can't make a decent Pizza is beyond me. San Francisco can make a great Pizza and they are alot further from Italy. Anyway...I do love England. I did the same thing when I moved from LA and when I moved from Minnesota then a year later I fall in love with where ever I moved.

I just like to torture myself maybe??? Tim says I like to complain. I tell him that may be so but it's for the pure lack of any drama in my life. I need to complain about something since I have no gossip or drama. Because in the end...being in love in a healthy relationship is boring. No boy drama, I have no work drama, no drama in my small village, no drama with any of my new friends or any gossip for that matter, everything is just honkey fucking dorry. Whooo hooo...yawn.

So now I feel boring and bored. I mean..isn't this the place I've been striving to get to for so long? So much for "The Peaceful Life". I've got it and Im bored to tears. Does this make me boring? What is that old saying? Only boring people get bored. EEK. Am I boring? I would really hate to admit to that. The thing is there is so much I could do. I just need to do it. Take a sewing class, get into my hobbies, shit....write my book (if I knew what to write), do yoga. This is the ideal time to have a baby honestly. Then again maybe that is why people want babies. Because they are bored. Im bored and now I want a baby. That should fill up some time. Then it makes me question if I really want a baby or am I just bored? Or am I in this place because it's time for me to have a baby and that is why the universe has brought me here, to this place, at this time. There is a reason Im here. I know that. I have no clue what it is. Maybe just to save myself a heart attack from being overworked and to much stress? Or maybe Im suppose to marry Tim and have a baby and live in a small village? Who the FUCK knows. And Im exhausted of the tricks my mind plays on me. A constant tug of war. I never know what is right anyway. I can have a plan but that does not make it the right plan so I can never commit to a plan because then that means I get stuck thinking I need to follow through with it and things change constantly so what is the point of even having a plan? Try to stick to something that does not stick anymore? I guess that's what Buddhism is all about. Flow with the river and all that. Just let go. Be lead by life. I've read all 2000 books and have had amazing awakenings on a spiritual level and I still can't let go. So I guess this is just who I am. And today Im homesick, bored and am in desperate need for some drama. I guess I should take my own advice. It's okay to be uncomfortable. And today that is what I am.

Dexter

I almost made it out of the house today. Instead it started to rain so I stayed in my bathrobe again and am now on Season 3 of Dexter and I can't stop. Im fully addicted. Im loosing any ability to do anything but watch this show. Im not creative, I don't get out of my bathrobe, I dream about Dexter, I dream that the cast are my friends, I don't want to write in my blog or clean my house or myself. The only reason Im even doing the dishes and writing in my blog is to just say that I actually did something other than watch Dexter today. So..there. Done. Did it. Hi ya all. Once this fing season ends I will be able to get my life back.

I was reading a friends blog who lives in LA yesterday. He's a rock photographer and his girlfriend is an art director for David Lachapelle among others. They look like they have a fab life. Photo's and video's posted of the things they are doing and all the art they are creating and it made me jealous and also wondering what I am doing with my life. What art am I creating? Am I doing what Im passionate about? What is that? Is this the best place for me to be fed creativity? I guess there is that whole saying about "compare and despair" as you never know the thoughts in someone else's head or how it works or what they are thinking or what their life is really like. It's just a fantasy that you have about their life as you see it from the outside. Someone might look at my life and think it's amazing to live in England. Look at pictures of Tim and I and see our love and think WOW..how amazing that she lives in England and is in love. So...I have to remember that.

So what am I doing today to make the best use of my time here? Well..yesterday I sat and watch back to back episodes of Dexter and ate popcorn in my robe all day. Tempted to do the same today but Im going to go for a bike ride instead and do something creative. Be inspired by my friends rather than jealous. Maybe I'll walk and take pictures and then paint later or knit. Cook and move around the routine. I think that is what gets me every day. Doing the same ole same ole. So..going to mix it up a bit and gain a new perspective on my life. Look at my life like an outsider would and be grateful for this amazing life that Im living. All the experiences I've had and continue to have and once again just be in my body and life and enjoy it.

Moving

I never know how to begin....hummm....we saw UP yesterday. Another movie that once again reminded me to live in my moment because life goes so fast and I don't want to end up wondering why I worried so much, or wasted so much time trying to change what is and just be in my life, embrace every movement, every minute and everything I do. It's the most difficult job for me and also such a crime to miss out on my life the way I do. With the amount of stress I put on myself and then realize the day is gone and I missed most of it.

If Im not in my moment, which is almost never, Im constantly thinking about what needs to happen next, tweak the moment that Im in, think about what needs to happen in the future and what has happened in the past. I relate this all somehow to the moment that I am in and the result is never being content or happy with the life Im leading, which, by the way, is amazing and all I have wanted for years. To be out of my crazy job, to be in love, really in love, and to have time.

I realize whenever I move I do the same thing. When I Moved from LA to San Francisco I HATED SF. For almost two years I hated it. All I wanted to do was move back to LA, which, by the way I hated by the time I left. I wanted to get out of the 365 days of summer, I wanted to get out of the dirt, the traffic and move to a beautiful city that was clean and where I did not have to drive. When I finally let go of LA I fell in love with San Francisco. But it was not easy. It was so hard to let go of my friends there, the amazing parts of LA that I loved, the craziness and insanity of it and the people that live there. I thought I would NEVER be able to make friends like the friends I had in LA. And after I let go of LA I met the most amazing people in San Francisco. Same thing happened when I left Minnesota. My group of friends there was amazing. So now...Im here...not loving the small village, the fact that I have no friends and I will never make the type of friends here that I have in SF and bla bla bla....my GOD how I let history repeat itself. Im amazed I move around as much as I do when Im so reluctant to change really. I want the change, Im so desperate for it and then I get it and I hate it and want to go back. I swear I cant stand myself sometimes :) Im exhausting.

So anyway...my point for GOD SAKE...is that it's the fact that I am never in my moment. If I were I would stop thinking about what this village and England isn't, and focus on what it is. Especially now that it's Fall. It's October, my favorite month of the year. The leaves are changing, it's getting colder, the birds are chirping, the sky is clear today and Im completely in love. I love my days. I just need to relax and shut down the mind. Meditate more and stick to my yoga.

We got up this morning to do yoga and meditate and it felt so good. Of course my meditation consisted of planning our trip to Bristol next weekend to go to H&M to get me leggings and a cute raincoat......practice ;)

The mind is amazing really. It can do all this thinking in the blink of an eye. Faster than the speed of light. It's a difficult beast to tame.

Missing the City

I miss the city. I really do. I wonder how I will do here for an extended period of time. Today Im not so sure I can make it in a small village. As long as I don't look at it like we are going to be here forever than Im okay. I can do it for a year but not sure if this is the life that I want. I like my social life, I like to have all my friends around me, I like to have the option of drinks or dinner with friends any night of the week. I miss the convenience of it and I miss San Francisco. I also miss the energy from a city and the energy that it gives me. Lights and night and tall buildings smashed together. Loads of people walking around the streets morning and evening. Just being able to get in the car and go to the ocean or the mountains.

Makes me think that Tim and I need to get out more! We do but there is also a lot to see here too. Ireland, Scotland, lot's of things right next door. Just need to plan them out. So...I guess not quite done with it here but honestly...Im not so sure Im cut out for small village living. I need the energy of the city to feed me and I need my friends around me. Anyway...3 months in..I think Im just really homesick. Im on an adventure right? This is always my problem, I think that were ever I am that is it. This is how it's going to be forever and then I feel trapped and get scared and want to get out. So..taking it easy, breathing, enjoying this experience as I DO KNOW that it will not last forever and love being here, in the beauty of this village and the life I have here and know that it's amazing in this moment.

The other thing is that I miss my girlfriends so much....because of my recent trauma even more. Going over to one of their houses, sitting on a couch in my pajamas and crying or talking or whatever. I do have some great friends here already so that is the good news. My friends Vicki and Ben and Steve and Rachel are amazing. We had a dinner party the other night and Steve was talking about my blog and Tim said, "oh, well then I guess you know about the miscarriage." And Steve just took my hand and said, "no, I have not got that far, are you okay, my God Im so sorry," and we all got to talk about it. And they are amazing. They are totally my people. So open and non judgmental and so fun and at the same time so loving and I feel really lucky to have met them so soon. Although now two of the 4 that I have made might be moving to Hong Kong so that sucks for me. Good for them though.

Anyway...maybe if I loved the home I was in. Once all the paper work is good to go with immigration and we know we can stay for a while we are going to move into a bigger place with some more character. Once that happens that will help too. I need to love the place I live in. Im a cancer....as social as I am I also love to hibernate in my home and create projects for myself. All and all just unsettled, homesick and it's cold and grey here today so whaaaa....being a big baby really.

Okay..got to run. Just wanted to complain about how horrible my amazing life is.

Time

Time..it can be an angel or a devil depending on your mind set.

I guess it will take some time for me to slow down. I just realized how fast I was going this afternoon for no reason. I wake up to a tight stomach and the heavy burden that there is something, a million things that I must be doing right now and they all need to happen right now.

I guess it’s years of production and not slowing down and now...I have no idea how to. Im beginning to think it’s a part of my genetic make up. Yesterday I was in bed writing most of the morning, got up, dyed my hair and started on dinner. So really I did not do much of anything but the entire day that FEELING..that tightness in my stomach was there, getting tighter and tighter so I just forced myself to relax, to say in bed, to write and to just lye there and feel it. It didn’t go away. I woke up with it again today and started working on the list of things in my head that I need to accomplish by the days end.

Then, as I was reading my macrobiotic cook books and making yummy macrobiotic vegan cornbread at the speed of light, I realized what is my rush? Why not breathe with every movement, go as slow as I can, relish everything Im putting into this cornbread, think about each ingredient, where it came from, what it will do to my body and Tim’s body when we eat it and put some calm and some love into this cornbread. And it’s working. I look at that cornbread on the counter cooling and it relaxes me. I ate a piece and it calmed my nerves. Which then reminded me that if you love whatever it is your doing and put love into it, it will be amazing and with food, it can be healing and healing to others.

I was watching this cooking show a while back. It was a show with this woman and her husband. They were from the south and were cooking everything I would NEVER. Eggs, buttermilk, more butter and than heavy cream with bacon and lard and bacon grease on top of biscuits and they were laughing, telling stories, loving one another while they were cooking it and I thought, I bet who ever eats that food is going to be IN LOVE by the time they finish. For me it’s macrobiotics but it can be anything, any food that you enjoy or it can be a job or a scarf your knitting for someone or whatever. If we do it with love, if we give ourselves time to think about it and enjoy it, we could heal the planet. If all that we consumed had the energy of calm, of serenity and of love...we would feel it. Anyway..off on a new age tangent.

But I was reminded of a few of things.

• I have been cooking macro / vegan full on for 2 days now and I already am starting to feel more grounded and forgot how much I truly LOVE to cook in this way so really need to make the macrobiotic school happen in December

• That I may just be a nervous person and as much as I try to fight it the worse it gets. Not sure how I can heal myself from that but Im going to try. Yoga, meditation and moving to small village in England is a start.
• Coffee is bad for me
• Do things slow and with thought and rushing is a waste of time.
• Embrace where I am, where my body is, love myself in this moment and stop trying to constantly tweak myself into this person I think Im suppose to be. I think Im suppose to be all macro and healed and healing the planet and calm and serene. I already am who Im suppose to be and doing exactly what Im suppose do be doing right now.

• Cherish where Im at right now as it will change.

• I dont need to give myself a project. I can just be for once.

So anyway...I’ve got the afternoon to do nothing. Im going to take a nap, eat some lunch, food shop on line and read my books. Attempt to enjoy it all on this grey English day and take it easy on myself.

A longie

There are bugs everywhere in this flat. I refuse to kill any of them as I wont even kill an ant but will let them gently out of the house if they are big and scare me. In every corner of this place there is a spider about to feed on what to him is a delicious meal,or a moth stuck to the side of a lamp curtain just waiting for me to turn the light on like a dog waiting for you to throw a bone. To me, killing a bug is like killing a cow, and killing a cow is the same as killing anything else so I just don’t kill anything. Unless of course, it’s by absolute mistake. Like when I suck up dead bugs with my hoover and accidently a live fly gets slaughtered in the process. I seriously want to open up the bag and let him out. I guess if I accidently sucked up a cow or cat into a hoover bag I might be inclined to let them out..so...there is a food chain in my mad process but still...I just try not to kill anything. Thus, loads of bugs in my house at the moment. Evidently all trying to survive the English autumn by taking refuge in our flat. I like to think of us as a “safe house” for all bugs. Any race, color or creed. All RIGHT then...enough of that before you think I’ve all lost my mind living in this small village.

So..I’ve been debating weather or not to write about this as it’s pretty personal but then again my blog is pretty personal and big part of the reason I write this blog is so that I do not internalize my thoughts and emotions and feelings like I tend to do. It’s an exercise for me in not worrying about what anyone else thinks, what is right or wrong and to just write. Thinking that this blog is meant for another purpose as it already has proven. It went from keeping in touch with my friends and telling my journeys to what it is today. It has opened me up even more than I already was and keeping me honest with my likes and dislikes, weaknesses and strengths, and most of all teaching me I truly don’t understand why myself or anyone cares if they are right or wrong? Seems like such a waste of time. Or to even care what anyone does with their lives. We are all just a witness to this life anyway so why not just be full of love and support and stay open rather than closed. Support rather than judge. Either way its a place for me to say fuck it. Who cares what I am like? Im sick of keeping it all in to make myself comfortable. Of doing the “right” thing, of not speaking my truth all the time and of just not being 100% myself. All of which I’ve had a problem with in the past and all of which Im so tired of. Im exhausted of the filter that I have always put on my mouth, which then leads to a filter on my mind and all of a sudden Im closed minded and think that if someone does not believe what I do, think like I do, behave like I behave then I need to what? Tell them how to do it? Not be their friend? Why? Because Im scared and close minded? Scared I might be wrong? Or doing life wrong? So..this is what my blog has morfed into. Me keeping myself honest and open and fearless. Even though it’s scary, its something Im walking through and trying to be fearless with. I once read, in one of my countless self help / spiritual / eastern philosophy books, “the more I learn I realize I know nothing.” I read that years ago and thought, “well then why in the hell am I reading this? I want to know SOMETHING!!” And now finally, years later understand the true freedom in realizing I know absolutely nothing, Im right about nothing and my views on life are strictly my own and would never preach them to anyone because Im sure they are not right. It’s absolute relief and absolute freedom to know that. I get to stay open and have no opinions on others lives and so I can enjoy everyone and all views on life without judgment. It’s so much for fun this way although alot more confusing and scary times....

So to the thing I was debating writing about and instead have been stalling and babbling....

I had a miscarriage on Friday. I only KNEW I was pregnant for about 2-3 days but was probably pregnant for about 2 weeks. It’s strange. In my head when I think about it my brain says abortion rather than miscarriage. I wonder why? Part of me thinks it might be my fault? I was wearing the nicotine patch every day, I was drinking wine, not to excess but was drinking, I drank coffee every morning. So did I abort my baby? Then I think well fuck that, Courtney Love shot heroin throughout her entire pregnancy and her kid is just fine, I know lots of women who drink and smoke through their entire pregnancy and they have healthy babies. Just look at the 70’s. Our Mothers were popping pills and smoking and breast feeding. Not saying I would do ANY of that but just saying that maybe....I did not kill my baby. On the day I really KNEW I was pregnant It hit me and there was just this intuitive feeling that I knew I was pregnant. Besides all the other signs, like my boobs were huge and sore, I was bloated like I’ve never been, I was tired, my brain was not working right, and I found myself for the last week every day at about 2pm standing over a cake counter in broad daylight devouring a large piece of non vegan chocolate cake like I had not eaten in a month. So the signs were there but it takes while for your brain to register. I kept thinking, “Im just off because Im not a vegan anymore, because I moved 3 months ago and left my friends, my financial security, my country and moved to a small village where I know absolutely no one except for my boyfriend who I have only known for 7 months.” So I was bound to be stressed out and my body was just reacting to the stress of change. I have never, in my 22 years of being sexually active, ever been pregnant so had no idea what it felt like.

I woke up on Friday and was spotting and decided I better take a pregnancy test just to confirm what I already knew. I got up, biked to the pharmacy and took the test. Which said not pregnant. Then my spotting turned into full on bleeding and within about 3 hours I had my miscarriage. I don’t need to go into the details but I knew what it was. Mostly because the second that it happened I started sobbing uncontrollably. Like I knew I had lost something. I can’t really compare it to when my Mom died but it was the same type of feeling. When I got the phone call that she was on life support but not dead yet, I knew she was dead and the sobbing leapt out of my body before I even had time to feel it. It was just a knowing. This was the same thing.

So I know I was only pregnant for 2 weeks but it’s traumatic. The entire time I was pregnant I kept thinking about our baby, about being a Mother, about having a family, about how much I wanted it and how I have never wanted it in my life but for some reason lately, since I met Tim really, I have wanted a baby. That I have been looking for this thing that is missing and it’s our baby. I guess I always knew when I met “the one” that I would want a baby but I would not want one a minute before then. And I didn’t, and now I do. But it’s strange. Now that Im not pregnant anymore Im okay if we do not have a baby. That feeling of wanting a baby has faded a bit. We both want a baby. Now might not be the right time because we have so much to sort out and still have not heard from immigration yet so who knows where we will be in a few months AND (deep breath) our entire lives are up in the air and let’s just top it all off with the fact that I have no health insurance and am pretty sure the NHS is not going to support my entire pregnancy without ever paying into it or being legal in this country. I know..stupid. Ya all can tell me how stupid I am for not keeping my health insurance going in the states but it’s over 500 American dollars a month and me, who does not believe in western medicine ANYWAY (except of course when I need it when Im pregnant ;) decided not to have it since I don’t have a whole shit ton of expendable income at the moment so decided to cancel it.

SO.....the good news is, I can get pregnant, which I was starting to think I was not capable of since I’ve never had ONE pregnancy in all my years (and believe me...I was not the most careful girl on the block, especially in my 20’s). The bad news is that Im scared that I cant carry a baby and that if I do get pregnant again I will have another miscarriage.

Im trying to not let my mind get to me. To know that if we get pregnant again it will be the right time. To know that there is never a “right” time to do anything and things happen how they happen weather or not I plan them. I also know that we are both okay if we can’t have a baby. Tim and I talked about it and he just held me and told me he loves me, he wants me regardless of what my body can or can not do, and if we don’t have a baby we will just have lots of pets and will deal with life how it comes. Reason number 101 why he is “the one”.

So Im fine. Tim is fine. It’s pretty crazy what your body does so quickly when you do get pregnant and it also feels good to have my old body and mind back for the moment. Believe me I would trade it in a second if I was still pregnant though. It felt really good being pregnant as confusing as it was. I felt whole, I felt like a woman, It’s hard to explain but if your reading this and you have been pregnant before you know what I mean. It’s an amazing feeling. One I hope to feel again soon. Maybe not too soon though. If we can plan it at all, it would be nice to have all the “what ifs” in check and some health insurance handy. It also makes me realize that you don’t have to PLAN to have a baby. I always thought everything needed to be in the perfect order and it doesn’t. And I don’t want to be one of those Mommy’s anyway. I want to be a hippy Mommy. Take my kid on my back across Europe, live unconventionally, home school (KIDDING), but you know what Im saying. I want to live an abnormal life. I realize I have most of my life anyway but now I’ve finally embraced and accepted it. I dont need to have a 6 figure income to have a baby, or the right house or the right car, or the right anything. And what is right anyway? I don’t believe in right or wrong anymore anyway...right?

A quickie

Im attaching this picture that Tim took with photo booth. I woke up yesterday morning and found it on my desktop and just love it. It's taken from our living room which he has made to look like a fairy tale.

Loads to tell but have to run. Were going out of town this weekend to his parents house in Bishops Waltham which, by the way, I have difficultly pronouncing. Sounds much better with and English accent. My American accent butchers it into sounding like some hick town in the south. Im looking forward to it. I really like his family and love his sister Rachel who Im getting close with. She's another Cancer like me and so has broken in Tim quite well on how to deal with us sensitive creatures. Anyway...must run...