Missing the City

I miss the city. I really do. I wonder how I will do here for an extended period of time. Today Im not so sure I can make it in a small village. As long as I don't look at it like we are going to be here forever than Im okay. I can do it for a year but not sure if this is the life that I want. I like my social life, I like to have all my friends around me, I like to have the option of drinks or dinner with friends any night of the week. I miss the convenience of it and I miss San Francisco. I also miss the energy from a city and the energy that it gives me. Lights and night and tall buildings smashed together. Loads of people walking around the streets morning and evening. Just being able to get in the car and go to the ocean or the mountains.

Makes me think that Tim and I need to get out more! We do but there is also a lot to see here too. Ireland, Scotland, lot's of things right next door. Just need to plan them out. So...I guess not quite done with it here but honestly...Im not so sure Im cut out for small village living. I need the energy of the city to feed me and I need my friends around me. Anyway...3 months in..I think Im just really homesick. Im on an adventure right? This is always my problem, I think that were ever I am that is it. This is how it's going to be forever and then I feel trapped and get scared and want to get out. So..taking it easy, breathing, enjoying this experience as I DO KNOW that it will not last forever and love being here, in the beauty of this village and the life I have here and know that it's amazing in this moment.

The other thing is that I miss my girlfriends so much....because of my recent trauma even more. Going over to one of their houses, sitting on a couch in my pajamas and crying or talking or whatever. I do have some great friends here already so that is the good news. My friends Vicki and Ben and Steve and Rachel are amazing. We had a dinner party the other night and Steve was talking about my blog and Tim said, "oh, well then I guess you know about the miscarriage." And Steve just took my hand and said, "no, I have not got that far, are you okay, my God Im so sorry," and we all got to talk about it. And they are amazing. They are totally my people. So open and non judgmental and so fun and at the same time so loving and I feel really lucky to have met them so soon. Although now two of the 4 that I have made might be moving to Hong Kong so that sucks for me. Good for them though.

Anyway...maybe if I loved the home I was in. Once all the paper work is good to go with immigration and we know we can stay for a while we are going to move into a bigger place with some more character. Once that happens that will help too. I need to love the place I live in. Im a cancer....as social as I am I also love to hibernate in my home and create projects for myself. All and all just unsettled, homesick and it's cold and grey here today so whaaaa....being a big baby really.

Okay..got to run. Just wanted to complain about how horrible my amazing life is.