Moving

I never know how to begin....hummm....we saw UP yesterday. Another movie that once again reminded me to live in my moment because life goes so fast and I don't want to end up wondering why I worried so much, or wasted so much time trying to change what is and just be in my life, embrace every movement, every minute and everything I do. It's the most difficult job for me and also such a crime to miss out on my life the way I do. With the amount of stress I put on myself and then realize the day is gone and I missed most of it.

If Im not in my moment, which is almost never, Im constantly thinking about what needs to happen next, tweak the moment that Im in, think about what needs to happen in the future and what has happened in the past. I relate this all somehow to the moment that I am in and the result is never being content or happy with the life Im leading, which, by the way, is amazing and all I have wanted for years. To be out of my crazy job, to be in love, really in love, and to have time.

I realize whenever I move I do the same thing. When I Moved from LA to San Francisco I HATED SF. For almost two years I hated it. All I wanted to do was move back to LA, which, by the way I hated by the time I left. I wanted to get out of the 365 days of summer, I wanted to get out of the dirt, the traffic and move to a beautiful city that was clean and where I did not have to drive. When I finally let go of LA I fell in love with San Francisco. But it was not easy. It was so hard to let go of my friends there, the amazing parts of LA that I loved, the craziness and insanity of it and the people that live there. I thought I would NEVER be able to make friends like the friends I had in LA. And after I let go of LA I met the most amazing people in San Francisco. Same thing happened when I left Minnesota. My group of friends there was amazing. So now...Im here...not loving the small village, the fact that I have no friends and I will never make the type of friends here that I have in SF and bla bla bla....my GOD how I let history repeat itself. Im amazed I move around as much as I do when Im so reluctant to change really. I want the change, Im so desperate for it and then I get it and I hate it and want to go back. I swear I cant stand myself sometimes :) Im exhausting.

So anyway...my point for GOD SAKE...is that it's the fact that I am never in my moment. If I were I would stop thinking about what this village and England isn't, and focus on what it is. Especially now that it's Fall. It's October, my favorite month of the year. The leaves are changing, it's getting colder, the birds are chirping, the sky is clear today and Im completely in love. I love my days. I just need to relax and shut down the mind. Meditate more and stick to my yoga.

We got up this morning to do yoga and meditate and it felt so good. Of course my meditation consisted of planning our trip to Bristol next weekend to go to H&M to get me leggings and a cute raincoat......practice ;)

The mind is amazing really. It can do all this thinking in the blink of an eye. Faster than the speed of light. It's a difficult beast to tame.