Francie France France

Im totally addicted to the Nicorette patch. It’s day 22. No smoking but I get up every morning excited for my cup of coffee and the sweet smell of nicotine as I open that little sweet patch and remove the little flesh colored sticker that I have anticipated applying to my arm all morning. The smell of the nicotine gets even stronger as I peel off the adhesive backing and slap in on my upper arm. Then there is the tiny rush I get as I feel the nicotine start gushing through my blood stream. Just like a proper junkie. I need to go to Nicorette patch anonymous. I guess the good news is that Im not smoking. The bad news is Im addicted to the patch and there are many moments where I still want to smoke a good ole fashioned cigarette. Fucking cigarettes. I mean really. No wonder people are dying of lung cancer and are caught out in the back of the hospital with their oxygen tank that is threatening to blow them to bits sneaking a cigarette. Wicked. People do say it’s second to quitting heroin. Though I’ve known quite a few X junkies and they laugh when you say that. Im not having to be chained to a bed, sweating, screaming and wanting to die because I can’t smoke a cigarette. I guess things could be worse. Anyway......

So we are back from France. Im attaching pic’s. I can only post 5 at a time so here are my 5 favorite. France was amazing. I really love it there and love the people there. Everyone is so helpful and friendly and kind. I have never had a bad experience there or with a French person yet so many people poo poo the French and I have no idea why. I think they are lovely people, with a great passion and way of life. I love how expressive they are. Hand gestures, and they either seem to be disgusted or excited. I love it. Different from the stoic English but I love them too. I think everyone is so interesting how we all behave from region to region. And Americans, I’ve decided were sort of in the middle of the two. Granted, this is just me and my own little world I live in.

We camped in Normandy and basically stayed in one spot about 2 blocks from the ocean then drove up and down the Normandy coast. It’s so beautiful with so much history. We visited the American Cemetery where 125,000 American men and women are berried. We visited the D Day beaches that 65 years later children and families go to sunbathe and splash in the water. It was weird though. I really felt the sadness of that place. Where so many people were slaughtered. It made me think about war alot and how in WW II they were fighting for freedom. We liberated France from the Germans but still got there way to late. Why did we not do that before millions of Jews were massacred? I don’t know. Anyway...going through all the historical tours and all the war for all the land and freedom and religion and my way is right and borders it truly was a great reminder that we have been doing it wrong for centuries. Then on our last day there was an interview with the Dali Lama who has done what he can to save his people with non violence. I just hope that is the way we are headed. I truly do. Obama is a good sign for America. Anyway...bla bla....Okay.....what else?

It was a good trip for Tim and I. We “bonded” even more. Learning more and more about each other. How we handle stressful situations and how we are both good at things and bad at things and are teaching each other a lot.

We planned nothing on this trip which I was worried about. We got to France and neither of our bank or credit cards were working so we had no money and I FREAKED OUT!! Well...freaking out for me is pretty bland but I was stressed. Tim was fine. He knew we would be fine and would survive and all I wanted to do was blame him.....and all I had to do was call the bank and we were fine. Then back went out and I am still teaching Tim how to take care of me. So it was a good way for him to learn and me to realize that men do not know inherently how to take care of a woman. In past relationships I would have been PISSED at how Tim handled the situation. He did not know what to do, did not know that he should have booked us in a hotel room, did not know to stop nagging me for sex and attention and in the past that would have been some serious ground for me planning the great escape (which I usually start doing around now in any relationship). This time...Im doing something different. I realized Im a grown woman, that this man is totally in love with me just does not know how to take care of me and that I can take care of myself...and oh yeah..I have a voice and know how to communicate. So I just told him what to do in a loving way coming from a loving place. I told him I knew he loved me and that I need to know that he can take care of me and so Im going let him know exactly what I need. And that is what we did and are continuing to do and he’s amazing. He just does not know. And I do know. Men (for the most part) are not physic or very intuitive like we are naturally as women so we have to tell them what we want otherwise they do not know. And really....men want to take care of us. It reminds them they are men. But unless we tell them what we need they do not know. And not in a screaming what the hell is wrong with you for not knowing what I need way. In a confident, I know you love me and this is what I need way. I guess my 39 years, 2 failed marriages, and 1 million failed relationships (along with loads of therapy and 200 self help books) I finally know what to do. Tim’s pretty much a clean slate too. He’s young and has not been in many long term relationships so a bit more communication is needed on my end but that is fine. Im in love with him and I will do what it takes to make it work.

Okay....probably about enough out of me today. Once again...Im the worst travel writer on the planet but I got to learn on my trip how to communicate with the man I love and we are growing because of it. And the back is starting to feel better. Though don’t know if it’s from the 1600 mg of ibuprofen Im chewing a day or that it’s actually healing. Doing yoga every day and have a Doctor’s appointment today. Did you know that as an American if you do not have health insurance in this country they see you for free? Socialized medicine. Got to love it. I just need some serious muscle relaxers so that I can relax my muscles. Sometimes I need western medicine.

OH...and one more thing and I don’t know what this means. To get into our campsite we had to press in a code and the code was my birthday: 010770 ( July 1, 1970). It’s got to mean something right?? Since I don’t believe in coincidence.